Welcome to WebKinz Cheats

List Of Webkinz Food Article

Thumbnail example

This is a selection made from among articles on List Of Webkinz Food. For a permanent link to this article, or to bookmark it for future reading, click here.

Beanie Babies AnonymousBeanie Babies Anonymous

from: Tim Knox

A wise man once said, "If you ignore something long enough,

eventually it will go away." Actually, he said it several times, but
nobody listened so he left.

That old saw is one reason I've never
done a column on Beanie Babies. I thought that if I could just resist
the urge to poke fun and ignore their existence long enough, they would
eventually go the way of Cabbage Patch Dolls and Tickle Me Elmos. Of
course, ignoring them didn't work and I should have known better. I've
been ignoring my kids for years and they're still around, standing
right outside the bathroom door, pounding on it, asking me what I'm
reading in there. My oldest caught me looking at the newspaper on the
front porch the other day and asked if I shouldn't be doing that in
private. I think it's time to talk boarding school. Russian boarding
school. But first, comrade, back to the subject at hand.

I think
Beanie Babies are cute, cuddly little creatures, and I will admit to
having spent a few of my hard- earned dollars on Beanies for my baby
girl to play with (I can hear many of you screaming, "They're not meant
to be played with!"). But never have I sat outside a McDonald's at two
in the morning waiting for it to open so I could get an Egg McMuffin
and a Teenie Beanie to go. And I apologize in advance if I insult
anyone, but I think people who go to such great lengths to buy a
child's toy need help. And that's what this column is all about.

You
see, my sister, a normally sane, rational human being, is awash in the
Beanie Baby craze. She has tiny synthetic pellets racing through her
veins and they are starting to affect every facet of her life. She is
the reason I am willing to break my vow of ignorance and speak out
against these demons in plush clothing. The thought of her sitting
outside a Hallmark store at three in the morning staring blindly at a
dog- eared copy of "The Beanie Baby Bible" just sends chills down my
spine. The woman needs help, my friends, and I am willing to take on
the task at hand.

So, to help my dear sister and the millions of
others who have fallen under the spell of Beanie Baby mania, I am
officially founding Beanie Babies Anonymous, an organization dedicated
to helping you just say no to Beanie Babies. BBA will follow a simple
4-step program designed to help even the most severely- addicted junkie
kick his/her Beanie Baby habit.

Here are the 4 steps of BBA. Follow them to the letter and soon your life will be yours to live again:

Step 1)

Step 2)

Step 3)

Step 4)

A "retired" Beanie Baby, one that has been taken out
of circulation, can go for a thousand times its original cost. A
complete collection of Beanie Babies (600 in all) is valued at
$100,000. Here are the top ten most valuable.

As further proof of
the need for an organization like Beanie Babies Anonymous,read the
following transcripts and media accounts of how Beanie Baby Mania is
affecting our world.

From the Disassociated Press:
OAK
BROOK, IL (DP): Shares in McDonald's Corp. rose to a 52-week high
Wednesday in response to the news that the fastfood giant will stop
selling food effective immediately and will instead become the nations
top retailer of Beanie Babies. McDonald's stock jumped over three
dollars per share after the announcement. A company spokesman said,
"Nobody wants our food anymore, but everybody wants Beanie Babies. The
change just makes sense."

Tom Brokaw, NBC Nightly News:

"Addressing a large crowd in Lahore, Pakistan on Saturday, Pakistani
Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif defended his country's decision to detonate
six nuclear devices last week and said that Pakistan will continue
nuclear testing until India signs the "No Nuke" test treaty and the Ty
Corporation gives every man, woman and child in Pakistan a Nana the
Monkey Beanie Baby. More now from Christiana Amonpour in Lahore..."

Bernard Shaw, CNN Headline News:

"This just in: Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr has announced that he
is issuing subpoenas to executives of the Ty Corporation, the company
that markets Beanie Babies. Starr claims his investigations have
revealed that President Clinton gave Monica Lewinsky a 'Grunt the
Razorback Pig' Beanie Baby as a gift after a sexual encounter in the
White House."

Mike Wallace, 60 Minutes:

"The Ty Corporation, the company that sells Beanie Babies, is so
secretive that not even the US government knows who is in charge. The
company continually refused our requests for interviews and, in an
anonymously-signed statement, said that, quote, '...if you do not
immediately cease with your investigation into our operation we will
have no choice but to send out a very large blue bear to bite your head
off.' Unquote."

Dan Rather, CBS Evening News:

"Good evening. The bottom fell out of the Beanie Baby market today when
it was revealed that the man in charge of the Ty Corporation, the
mysterious company behind the popular line of plush toys, is none other
than Microsoft CEO Bill Gates himself. Competing manufacturers of teddy
bears and other plush toys have come out accusing Gates of trying to
monopolize the plush toy industry, prompting the Justice Department to
order an immediate investigation."

Alright, I made those up. But the following accounts are real, as reported by the Associated Press: